Rochelle told me today that she’s fascinated by my blog. (By Rochelle I mean Rachel, but I think the two Ls fit her name just like how she rocks that short hair DAMN GURL.) Anyway, I asked her why, and she answered simply, “because it’s real.”
“Real how?” I asked, intrigued.
“Real for two reasons,” she replied. “Firstly, because you talk about the emotional experiences you’re having, there’s no bullshit. Secondly, because the photos are beautiful. And you’re a good writer,” she added. I said thank you, a bit floored.
(I paraphrased, Rochelle. Hope you don’t mind.)
Anyway, I just wanted to post that because it really struck me today; not because I want to brag or anything, but because I’m grateful; and to let you all know it never occurred to me that it would be just as meaningful for someone else to read it as it is for me to write it. And now I’m looking at this blog a little differently, and I think (perhaps) with a little more humility (or maybe it’s because I’m feeling hungry and wistful).
This blog started out as my way of keeping in touch with friends and loved ones at home, as an avenue toward some sort of Personal Growth, and as an attempt to follow through with something to its fullest extent, for a change. I’ve always looked up to people who seem to have Real Things to say, whose clear voices ring out with authenticity and courage as they say what needs to be said. I have a voice, I know, and I’m trying (with this blog) to figure out how to put it to use. I have these hot-sparkler ideas all the time, but they tend to fizzle out quickly—I want an Olympic Torch idea, man. I guess that’s what this blog is for, I don’t really know.
At first, it took a little more faith and confidence than I had to trust that the people I loved were actually reading it—blogging is a one-way sort of deal; I write, hope you read. I can see how many people look at my blog each day, and I used to check religiously whether I had views or not: as though two more views would constitute some sort of human connection with someone, somewhere. I don’t gain my sense of self-worth from the number of views on my blog anymore, though, that was probably just a silly self-conscious phase. Or maybe it wasn’t silly at all; for awhile there, it was hard not to feel desperate for some connection with the world I left behind.
Anyway, it’s been quite a journey, even after only a month: there’s a lot to write about, there’s a lot to grow on, and there’s a lot to learn. So I’d like to shout out a thank-you to all you readers out there that have accompanied me thus far, those who I know personally and those who I don’t. It blows my mind that people have signed up to get e-mails every time I post when they don’t even know me (and then I feel marginally guilty when I post 4 times in one day). WUUUT. Thanks for the replies via e-mail, for the comments and likes, and for the affirmations that this is, assuredly, a good thing. Thanks for reading! Stay tuned! Stay classy!